You hate labels in a relationship. Dating sounds too proper. Boyfriend/girlfriend seems too final. Love is too tumultuous to call it ‘going steady’. Situationships (undefined romantic relationships) seem better. Beige flags are strange, but tolerable behaviour in a partner. Couplehood can be soft-launched (a teaser, minus the revealing details). Soul-crushing dating apps still exist. As do creeps.
Humour kills. And if you gotta die laughing, may as well show it, right? The Tears of Joy icon, straight or tilted, isn’t enough anymore. It’s now unhip. No ROFLs needed either. Preface your text with DED to get the point across. To spice it up, use the tombstone emoji. Stop there. Ghost emoji means you’ve gone too far.
New words crop up not only in texts but IRL too. We covered ‘simp’ (enthusiantically affectionate) in a previous issue. ‘GOAT’, Greatest Of All Things, is good for average achievements now. ‘It’s giving’ means it’s well done. Give someone a ‘fit check’ instead of ogling at their style. Remember, ‘Delulu’ is the Solulu’.
The 25-year-old search engine is for looking up old-people symptoms and diagnoses. For everything else you use Instagram. Fashion goals, travel discoveries, who wore what, recipes that pretend they’re trending in China, whispered financial advice, whether Timothee Chalamet and Kylie Jenner are still a thing (Alas, yes). Even the targeted ads are smarter.
The platform offers a two-minute window for taking a pic and posting it. No filters, no editing. This means only authentic images for your closest friends. The anti-Insta offers the real dope, with no context, so the mind can ponder endlessly over someone’s every shot.
It’s ok to be petite, lean, snatched, curvy, outright large – everything’s hidden under oversized styles, anyway. It’s comfy and laidback. All-black is out. Muted tones are in. And androgynous looks give you one more excuse to advertise your preferred pronouns.
How old you feel depends on where you fall on the hair debate. Millennials are team side-part, Gen-Z splits it down the middle. It’s timeless, focuses on symmetry, and frames the face beautifully. Some say it’s a way of embracing one’s flaws. Goes well with pigtails, space buns, or just a blow-out.
You’ve referred to the late 1900s without irony. The good old days means the early 2000s. Claw-clips and flannel shirts are back. Viral Reels play tracks from the era. Even Britney Spears is cool again. Feel like you were born in the wrong era? Get in line.
Only boomers use the selfie camera for selfies. Gen-Z prefers the ultra-wide mode on the main camera and is ok with the overexposed hand being visible in the frame. It’s considered high-quality, elite and flattering. It’s how one looks to others. Oh, and bonus points for a forehead photo.
‘Regards’, ‘best’, and ‘yours sincerely’ are more ageing than the UVB rays. If you must use email, sign off with ‘Stay hydrated, queens’ and ‘Lukewarm regards’. Stupidity only shows courage. It conveys something about the sender and adds that something interesting to the day. How sincere or thankful can one even be, anyway?